Archive for the 'Humour' Category

Memory, lack of

Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010

I usually have a good head for remembering things. Heck, I play a memory game with a friend of mine and I (almost) always beat him, even though I don’t know half the things he’s naming.

The game works like this.

One of us starts with “Two Drow walk into a bar…”

Yeah, it’s based on D&D (though I’d say more GURPS, since that’s the game system we played at the time), and it stems from an old, quasi-forgotten joke on the best way to start a game with assorted (and conflicting) character types.

The second person adds another character to the list. It becomes, “Two Drow and a dwarf walk into a bar…”

And we have to remember the list in sequence until we’ve got an enormous list, like:

“Two Drow, a dwarf, two golems, a mechanos, an unicorn, seven leviathan, a two-headed hydra, a lich, a troll, a hill giant, an elf, a slyph, a werewolf, an air elemental, a seven-horned demon, and a dragon walk into a bar…”

Ad infinitum.

Anyway, it’s a fun game. Silly, and we come up with silly characters, but that’s not the point. The point is, I (almost) always win the game, and I have a good memory.

I remember all these things visually, but when it comes to numbers, I need to come up with an equation. So for a combination lock, I make up a mathematical formula to remember the sequence. Even if it’s a mathematical formula that defies all mathematical convention (and rules), it works because I can remember things that way.

Which is how I remember a combination to a combination lock that I’ve had for 13 years.

I have a second combination lock, one that I use at the gym. I don’t use the gym for 2 weeks because I’m alternatively on vacation and not feeling too hot on our return. Two weeks. That’s not enough to make me forget something, is it?


AFTER I lock my stuff in the locker, do my workout, and come back, I discover that I don’t remember the combination.

I remember the numbers involved, but not in what sequence. For a combination lock that has a NN-NN-NN code, that’s six possible numbers, and a gut-stabbing amount of possible combinations.

Not a problem! All I have to do is remember the formula!

Yeah, I don’t remember the formula.

And by some fluke of turning the combination lock by rote, I got it open, took out my stuff…

But I wasn’t paying attention, and I really don’t know what the combination is. Still.

Check Your Meaning

Wednesday, November 11th, 2009

By “check your meaning”, I’m thinking about making sure what I’ve said and written is really what I mean.

But this is important in writing as it is in everything else, including advertising, marketing and making announcements.  Case in point:

On the wall at the gym yesterday morning, there was a posting announcing, “IT’S A BABY!” to congratulate one of the staff members.

I remember thinking, “Gee, I sure hope so!”

It would suck if it turned out to be something else.  Like, oh, an 8-pound kidney stone.  Or a bowling ball.  Or a giant glob of the chewing gum your mom always nagged you not to swallow when you were done with it.

I’m not the only one who got a good chuckle out of the sign.  As of this morning, though, the sign this morning now says: “IT’S A BOY!”

Not as funny, but at least the meaning is clear.